Why We Will Never Be Rich, Part 1

It drives my dad absolutely out of his mind going to the grocery store with me.  Not because I buy a load of garbage, not because I don't read the labels, and not because I buy a lot of superfluous items.  Oh no, it drives him crazy because as I stand and have all of the groceries rung up, I don't pay attention to the scanner, or whatever that thing is they use, making sure they aren't ripping me off.  Instead I am usually chasing after Emilia, removing slobbery things from Leo's hands, shooting the breeze with the bagger**, and that sort of thing.  The cashier then announces the total, I break out into cold sweats feeling I may vomit at any moment, cough up the money, and then yell about it as long as anyone will listen to me.  Since my dad doesn't actually live within communal grocery shopping distance, I usually call him after I've just dropped a huge pile of money at the store, and yell about it.  He usually says, 'Well, hon, I don't know what to tell you.  Go to Walmart.***'

And before you accuse me of being all negligent with our grocery funds, I do actually pay close attention to how much we've spent.  But rather than stalk the scanner-machine, I look at the receipt, like a civilized person, once we are home, the groceries mostly put away, and I am waiting for the tea kettle to boil.  And there you go, that is when the bonafide coronary happens.

An excerpt from our receipt from our last trip to Whole Foods:
3 Honeycrisp Apples -- $9.42
3 Peaches -- $5.89
6 or 7 Yukon Potatoes -- $7.02
Small Bag of Shelled Walnuts -- $4.41

Holy shit, are they serious?  Can they actually be serious?  I spent $9.42 on three apples?  Being a rational person, I yelled at the kids over this, and then called my sister to yell at her.  (I needed to settle down before admitting this one to my dad.)  Anyway, my sister being rather wise, suggested I pull out my handy-dandy cooking scale, which I did immediately.  The stupid apples cost $2.99 per pound.  One apple weighed just over eleven ounces.  Another weighed almost thirteen.  And the last weighed barely over twelve.  I was gobsmacked.  Not to mention irate.  The bloody scales were rigged!  And that was just part of the produce I bought that day.  I bought tons and tons of it, on account of the fact that we are wicked healthy eaters.

And so, I am disgusted.  And I still have not called to complain about the fact that they are a bunch of dirty bastards.  It seems all I do is complain to that store, but usually it is about the customers.  The people who shop at Whole Foods in Redmond, Washington are atrocious and completely rude.  Believe that if you can.

Emilia was helping me unload the cart onto the conveyor belt a month ago, and a woman plowed her cart right into her little face.  And she knew she did it, too.  And she chose to do nothing.  It's true.  Some woman thought we were taking up too much space, apparently, and hit Emilia right below her eye with the corner of her cart.  I was trying to unload the cart quickly and looked down at the girl who had been busy busy busy helping me a moment before.  She was standing there all quietly and looking down at her feet.  'What's the matter, baby girl?  Are you ok?'  And she didn't want to tell me.  Finally she said, 'A woman hit me in the face with her cart.'  'What!  Which woman?!  Did she know she did it?  Was it an accident?'  And she told me, 'Yes, she knew she hit me.'  I complained to our checker, to the bagger, to the person who carried our groceries to the car, and to customer service.  I know they could do nothing, but even so, I thought they should know their clientele are a bunch of nasty people who shamelessly plow over small children.  Her little face was bruised and swollen for days.  Makes my blood boil every time I think about it.

Anyway, as I was saying...  Apart from the gouging of produce prices, this sort of bill is not all that uncommon for us.  (It was $380.45 total, if you are feeling the need to hurl.)  And before all the blame gets put on Whole Foods, deservedly so (this time), and whom I plan to call and chew out later, this is the case with all the stores around us -- QFC, Safeway, PCC, Metropolitan Market, all of them.  It is all too expensive and we are not eating like Kings.  But we do eat as best as I know how to do.

And this is why we will never be rich.  Well, this is one of the reasons why we will never be rich.

Quick disclaimer -- I broke down and finally called.  It is amazing because they could actually pull up a copy of my receipt in the store.  As it turns out, the scales aren't rigged.  They just charged me $3.99 per pound as opposed to the $2.99 per pound they were supposed to charge.  And because I appear to be a rather nice sort, they refunded my whole apple expenditure.  Ka-ching!  (And a simulataneaous Hmpf! to boot!)

**Shooting the breeze this past time included shouting, 'PLEASE!  I BEG OF YOU!  NO MORE KNOTS IN MY PRODUCE BAGS!  IF I WANTED THEM IN BLOODY KNOTS, I'D TIE THEM MYSELF!  I'm sorry, but I cannot undo them.  And I like to re-use them, like the right-proper hippie that I am.  Because really, anyone with a head on their shoulders knows that they make excellent bags for walking the dog.  Bloody hell.'  She then apologized and tried to untie them all, scowling at me all the while.  Mission accomplished. 

***For the record, there is no Walmart near us.  You would have to get on the freeway and drive north, and then keep driving, because seriously, it's not even kind-of close by.