Siblings

There are moments when you see something in public and feel as though you have stumbled (intruded, more like) onto something very private and not meant for your eyes. Your options are: quickly divert your eyes away from the scene being played out before you -- or, in this instance, slacken your pace, keep watching, and begin to think. In the process you are permeated with whatever emotion is being played out before you. Sadness, in my case. But let me backtrack a bit.

Saturday I went out for a 'quick run' while Miss Milia was down for her nap. There I was: running away, listening to goodness knows what kind of garbage I have queued up on my i-pod, and trying to sort out the many thoughts that were racing away in my head. Anyway, as I was reaching the end I saw (ran past, more like) these two kids who were walking down the street together. Two boys -- one was about ten or eleven and the other was, I don't know, maybe seven. The older boy had a ridiculous hairstyle, much in the manner of all the other kids his age, while the younger one was shaved balder than a cue-ball. And they looked just like ordinary kids.

I was into my final stretch of sprinting like the dickens (where I essentially run up and down our street like a moron a few times before I go home), so I managed to see these kids a few times. Anyway, as I was catching my breath and about to turn down our driveway, I happened to glance back.  I saw the older boy hugging the littler one -- tightly and very protectively. They stood like that for a moment or so and then, back to business as usual, I guess. Except that the older one ended up putting his arm around the younger boys slumped shoulders as they continued to walk. I couldn't help but to stop dead in my tracks.

And, to be perfectly honest, watching this made my heart break.

Who knows what could have been going on. The younger one could have just gotten trounced in his baseball game. He could have gotten his Nintendo wii (or whatever) taken away from him for not cleaning his room. Who knows. But it didn't look like that to me. It looked like something very sad and very serious was happening.

I have a very hard time seeing something go wrong with a child. And it breaks my heart to see another child trying to act like an adult in order to make it better. It is difficult to watch someone so small grapple with issues they don't understand (or, unfortunately, do understand) when they are still so young. Yes, there is a lot of badness in this world, and, of course, we need to be wise to it. But not yet.

At the same time, it warms my heart to see the bond between siblings. (I am assuming these two boys are brothers.) And it reminds me how wildly important this bond truly is. Brothers and sisters are meant to be there for each other. They (we) are meant to help fix things for each other, even if we don't feel equipped to do so at the time. We are supposed to listen when our parents have gone off the deep-end.  And, if need be, go to the movies while our parents are deciding whether or not to get divorced.

We are also supposed to drive each other crazy, make fun of who has the bigger spots, and yell when our absolutely horrible (yet ultra-stylish at the time) chambray shirt comes up missing (maybe I should finally just thank Kari for that). And last but not least (one of our favorite things growing up), we are supposed to shout, 'Jim is looking out my window!' for ten-hour-car-rides, driving everyone else nutters in the car. It's a beautiful thing. What more can I say?

And that is why I was filled with such sadness watching that little exchange happen in front of me. Those boys, whatever their issues happened to be, are very lucky to have one another. Our little tomato (that would be Emilia, in case you were wondering) is not so lucky. Our sweet little girl ('Mia so little! And so sweet!') is as big as our family will ever get. As much as it breaks my heart (over and over and over again), she will be our only one. And she will grow up with parents who are ridiculously in love with her, and completely over the moon for her. (I'm not so daft as to toss the importance of that aside.) But she will never have the relationship one gets with a brother or a sister (or six). Yes, she will have loads of friends, and loads of cousins, and loads of people with loads to say. But she will not have what I had growing up. (Still have, really.)

And that makes it very difficult for me to sleep sometimes.